Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
