Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
