Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I am naked and annoyed.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
