we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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