What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My breasts were aching with rage.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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