I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I met the friendliest cop last night
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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