i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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