soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It was confusing and full of hummus
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
