Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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