i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize