oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
