Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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