so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize