you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
