They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
