a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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