im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
