Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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