Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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