my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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