I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
