I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
