perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
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