found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize