You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
