College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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