did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
