we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
