I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
