i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
