mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
