your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
