What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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