i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
