its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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