He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
