turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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