I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize