I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
