I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
