is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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