On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
