He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
