You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
