Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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