very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
