I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
