i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
