I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm at about main and main street
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
