This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
