I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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