Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize