No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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