Sponge bath it is.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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