I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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