they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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