Me too!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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