Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
