i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize