Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
