i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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