Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
