she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
