Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
