did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
