I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
