I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
