so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I lost the right to judge tonight
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize