Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
