I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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