they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
