I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
