I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
