Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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