and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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